Teenagers Taking Risks
By
Carol Shepley
It can be hard being a parent
with a teen going through what I term the 'I'm
Invincible' phase. This is the phase when teens start
doing scary and dangerous things (according to us
parents) as a way of testing out their physical limits.
This is not surprising given
that, at adolescence, teenagers are effectively given a
'new' body, one which has many improved features from
that of their childhood body. It's no good as parents
thinking we can tell them about the limits of this body;
just as a toddler needs to work out for themselves how
to balance to walk so a teen needs to work out for
themselves how to use their changed body.
Pushing themselves that little
bit further each time is necessary for the teen to find
out what happens. They need to make mistakes so that
they can self-adjust. They need to know just how fast,
agile and strong their body is so they can use it
appropriately in the future. Not knowing their own
limits is potentially much more dangerous.
However some teens also use
this phase to 'prove' themselves. In today’s competitive
society, teens have been brought up to want to be
'better' than someone else at something. For some teens
this will be in the classroom, others on the sports
field or through the performing arts but for some teens
none of these avenues are available.
The only way they can prove
themselves to be 'better' is through some daredevil type
of physical activity, where they can show they are
braver, can bear more pain or can think up some more
elaborate plan. This is where these teens get their
feelings of success, their sense of achievement, their
sense of self-worth.
The 'I'm Invincible' phase is a
crucial learning phase; it's all about taking risks and
making judgements about risk. As parents, it's hard for
us to let our teens take risks, we naturally want to
protect them, but in attempting to protect them we are
in reality often holding them back.
Taking risks is a necessary
part of adult life; leaving one job for another,
starting a business, asking someone out on a date all
require a certain amount of risk. Although the risks in
the 'I'm Invincible' phase are primarily based in the
physical, they give a good foundation for taking risks
in the emotional and cognitive realms in the future.
How to Handle the 'I'm
Invincible' Phase
- If at all possible, enrol
your teen in a class or organisation where they can
test their limits in a relatively safe environment
eg sports, dance, scouts/guides, army/navy/air
cadets.
- For those that need to
'prove' themselves, give them chores that allow them
to show off their new found physical strengths;
re-think the chores they do to see if there are some
more suited to their abilities. Receiving success,
achievement and a sense of self-worth at home
reduces the need to look for it elsewhere.
- Use the language
associated with 'I'm Invincible' to acknowledge your
teen in day-to-day life. Words such as courage,
brave, strong, determined, overcome, etc, can also
be used to motivate your teen.
- Examine your own fears;
are your fears based on objective, rational
information, or have they been exacerbated by other
peoples' stories or news reports. Get the facts not
the media hype.
- Explain your fears to your
teen by expressing concern over what others might
do. If you express doubt in their abilities you will
just make them more determined to prove you wrong.
Eg "I don't want you riding your bike late at night
because drivers are more likely to have accidents
then" is much more readily received than "I don't
want you riding your bike late at night because you
might have an accident".
- Do not use evidence of
their mistakes to do 'I told you so'. Recognise
mistakes as valuable learning, and then acknowledge
the learning as you would any other type of
learning.
Carol Shepley has been
involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as
the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the
pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now
shares this knowledge and experience through her
website
http://www.growingupmatters.com
so that parents can help their teens become
resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.
Article Source:
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